Why Is It So Hard To Forgive Yourself?

Why is forgiving yourself so much harder than forgiving others?

I mean, really.  Why is it so hard?  We have all forgiven someone who has wronged or cheated us in the past.  Perhaps you have an ongoing relationship in your life with such a person right now.  Yet it can be almost impossible to forgive ourselves for even the most minor of infractions.

First, you must ask yourself if what you’ve done that needs forgiving was actually caused by you.  If it’s something beyond your control, then stop blaming yourself!

For example, if you are late for work because of a car accident then you are not to blame.  Yes, you are responsible for being late.  You could have left earlier.  But you are not to blame for the accident.  This is a very simple case though.

Often the things we can’t forgive ourselves for are deeply emotional and extremely complex.  Certainly, this blog post can’t replace years of therapy or counseling.

However, in studying who among us are the happiest and most successful, a trend emerges.  Those of us who are happiest seem to have an ability to roll with the punches and adapt to what life throws them.  Certainly, such people also endure personal hardships and tragedies.  An example of such a case from recent news can be found here.

Life is tough, but it’s up to you to decide if you want this emotional baggage slowing you down as you try to live it.  It really is a decision.  No one has a perfect life.  Even Queen Elizabeth II gets constipated!  We all have our trials and tribulations.  But if you can convince yourself that these trials are tests of your character and persevere, you will be stronger as a result.  “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger,” right?

This emotional baggage weighs you down so much that pleasure is no longer pleasurable and great is no longer even good.  You must find your own method for forgiving yourself.  It could be reciting the serenity prayer.  It could be writing yourself a letter, especially writing one for the future.  Talking to a professional could help, as could talking to someone you love.  Too often in pursuit of appearing strong and resilient, we carry around burdens that could be shared.  Just talk to someone!  We also tend to blow things out of proportion, and talking to others serves as a reality check against all the self-talk from within.

Whatever the case may be, forgiving yourself will be very relieving and satisfying.  It’s healthy and it’s something we all can work on.  Just give yourself time and patience to work through it, and be honest with yourself.

Some resources for more concrete steps to forgiving yourself include:
Web MD’s Learning to Forgive Yourself
Several Amazon.com books relating to learning how to forgive yourself
Similarly, it could be nice to view testimonials about forgiving yourself on youtube.  Several videos can be seen here.

What do you think?  How do you forgive yourself?  Sound off in the comments section below!