The Atomic Cup Of Corn – Crying In Public Has Never Been So Classy
I have told this story to so many people already, it’s a crime I haven’t put it up here on the site yet.
When I was in Leon, Mexico, I was feeling pretty confident. I had taken a few weeks worth of spicy Mexican food and conquered everything. I was even eating jalapeño peppers directly and having no problems.
One of my favorite snacks in Mexico was a cup of corn. They can put salt, lime, chili pepper, and/or mayonnaise on it. I would just get lime and chili pepper. It was a solid snack that cost only 10 Pesos/$0.80.
Deadly Cup Of Corn
Several cups of corn in, I went to a stand in the central market in Leon. I ordered the cup of corn as usual, but her stand had an extra option – “super picante” or super spicy. Since I had conquered everything spicy Mexico had thrown at me until this point, I figured I had to opt for super picante!
She asked me twice if I was sure, hearing the gringosity in my voice and envisioning the pain and hurt I’m about to unknowingly inflict on myself. Confidently, I said yes. Bring it on!
I took my cup of corn and stood outside the market on the street. I was in the loading dock area for the market. It wasn’t the best place to stand, but I could put my stuff down on the loading dock and the cup of corn was at the perfect level for eating on the concrete above.
I took my first bite, and instantly tears formed and nose mucus started flowing.
I thought to myself, “This is what a nuclear bomb must taste like.”
As tears streamed down my face so fast I didn’t bother trying to stop them anymore, I saw a policeman coming toward me. Then a guy approached me on the side as a delivery was coming in. Seeing my tears, they were nicer than usually in asking me to move out of the way.
I hopped up onto the pavement and walked inside the market. I’m not sure why I decided to go into the market. It only ensured that more people could clearly see this nearly 30-year-old man crying while eating his cup of corn. But as you might expect, when eating a nuclear bomb you don’t think straight.
I don’t believe in wasting food, so I continued eating – slowly. Each spoonful brought more tears, mucus, and shame on my family.
I thought things were finally getting better, but then I reached where she put her first spoonful of chili pepper. Her second spoonful went on top, obviously. So as wave two of super picante attacked my mouth, I realized what a mess I must look like.
I started thinking what I would say if someone approached me. Realizing how ridiculous this all was, I thought about saying something in Spanish like “it’s just so good I don’t know what else to do.” They would think I’m crazy, but then again Mexicans truly love their food. They might put a hand on my shoulder and reassuringly say something like “Yes, I know what you mean.” But if they thought I was crazy, at least I’d be laughing on the inside – behind the tears, mucus, and shame on the outside.
In the end, no one approached me but countless people did stare. It took 15 minutes, but I finished the cup of corn. I never returned to that cup of corn stand and I never again asked for super picante when presented with the option. The cup of corn brought me to my knees and humiliated me in public, but I finished it and got the last laugh.
LOL!!!!!!!!! thiss was great =)
Glad you enjoyed it! 🙂 There’s another funny story queued up for tomorrow afternoon!
Bring some of that stuff home for Dad, wonder if he could tolerate it. Your lucky your tongue and mouth didn’t blow up. I hope you at least had some ice cream after all that………….you know the story:)
I’m sure he can make his own version of “super picante” if he really wanted 🙂
Haha! Congrats for finishing it, I probably would have just given up.
🙂
great post, I laughed all evening