Returning Home And Unpausing My Insecurities
I felt something strange as I settled in to being home the first week or so. I’d go out to do mundane things, just as I did for 2.5 years on The Happy Nomad Tour, but now there was more noise. Something was off. Something wasn’t right.
I soon realized what the problem was. It was my insecurities coming back. I put them on layaway for 30 months as I traveled the world and worked toward becoming a better person. But somehow as I returned home I fell back into a familiar routine. I was much more shy, less willing to engage strangers, and worst of all I felt… inadequate.
I’m not sure if inadequate is the best word to use here, but what else sums up a 31-year-old with no job, no income, etc. These things don’t bother me. I knew this was the fate that awaited me long before I got back home. But somehow when I returned home this mild wound became infected.
While traveling I didn’t have the diplomatic immunity that ambassadors and embassy staff have. But I did have insecurity immunity, the ability to suspend my insecurities, filter out the noise, and be who I wanted to be. I chose to be who I really am underneath my insecurities, a loving, giving, curious guy.
Perhaps naively I figured the progress I had made on the road would translate into immunity at home. Instead, the progress I made on the road represents the tools I need to battle back my insecurities and unleash the real me at home as well.
My two cents on this is that you look beyond the mental aspects on these insecurities and use them as a sign to recognize what life itself might be telling you to do or directing you to look at.
Maybe you just don’t belong at home. Heck, after being in so many places, I am sure you can feel home in many places, family and friends aside, your hometown wouldn’t be home as you know it.
Thanks for your thoughts and advice!