Returning Home And Unpausing My Insecurities

I felt something strange as I settled in to being home the first week or so. I’d go out to do mundane things, just as I did for 2.5 years on The Happy Nomad Tour, but now there was more noise. Something was off. Something wasn’t right.

I soon realized what the problem was. It was my insecurities coming back. I put them on layaway for 30 months as I traveled the world and worked toward becoming a better person. But somehow as I returned home I fell back into a familiar routine. I was much more shy, less willing to engage strangers, and worst of all I felt… inadequate.

I’m not sure if inadequate is the best word to use here, but what else sums up a 31-year-old with no job, no income, etc. These things don’t bother me. I knew this was the fate that awaited me long before I got back home. But somehow when I returned home this mild wound became infected.

While traveling I didn’t have the diplomatic immunity that ambassadors and embassy staff have. But I did have insecurity immunity, the ability to suspend my insecurities, filter out the noise, and be who I wanted to be. I chose to be who I really am underneath my insecurities, a loving, giving, curious guy.

Perhaps naively I figured the progress I had made on the road would translate into immunity at home. Instead, the progress I made on the road represents the tools I need to battle back my insecurities and unleash the real me at home as well.